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wayfaerer

"Embrace your dreams."

Location: The Lifestream

Joined: Apr 03 2011

soo, im thinking about entering this along with a short story for a local writing competition. $500 cash and a trip to st johns all expenses paid. pretty fucking sweet i must say. just want some feedback and see if itd be a good entry; i have good expectations for the story. if you wanna see the story lemme know and ill post it.

i know the poem is short but it retains some power and depth despite that; im hoping the story will be the kicker--said short story being an excerpt from a novel im working on titled, you guessed, wayfarer. thats long, so i wont post it unless someones really interested, in which case i can email it.

enjoy

Cry of the Planets

I feel the world spinning
Around me, so silent her words are whispered to me
“Give me your hand”, she speaks…
I think I was one with her from the very beginning

A distant thought
A scattered memory, something not quite broken, but fragile is her time here
She speaks again
But she didn’t have anything left to say

I listened anyways…
I think she just needed a friend.

I should read more poetry. I

musenji

Joined: Feb 02 2010

I should read more poetry. I like this.

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And then I realized that the chord progression from Chrono Cross's Another World is the same progression as the chorus from Peace of Mind by Boston, and life was never quite the same.

Re: I should read more poetry. I

wayfaerer

"Embrace your dreams."

Location: The Lifestream

Joined: Apr 03 2011

check out the "for the inspired mind" thred i posted a while back, i ahve another poem there, my finest in my own opinion, as well as my above stated short story.

you think this is competition worthy?

also thanks musenji, appreciate your comment.

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"i seem to be find a lot that apparently dont contain the .exe actually" -Anonymous

"Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to look more like?" -Pherioxus

@musenji: Two quick

Hakoria

Laon King

Location: gmt+1

Joined: Apr 03 2011

@musenji: Two quick recommendations: Charles Baudelaire (I have no idea if it's good in English; originally in French and the quantity of details is just baffling in a good sense if you love figuring out such details) or Dante's Divine Comedy (again, translation will matter: in French there was a very good one but I don't know about in English) for an Epic poem.
I'd say Poetry is the hardest form of Art to make accessible to everyone due to languages. WIth paintings and such, you might not understand it due to lacking historical knowledge, emotions related to the scene, etc; but with Poetry it can be that + not actually being able to read + if you find a bad translation it might ruin it completely. Oh well 1:

~anyways
Due to recognizing the context we (well people here) can see it's depth with more facilities, it'll be harder for non-FFVIIers though I'd say? At least in being sure they're interpreting it the right. Hmm personally I didn't think this was your best (ah forgot to comment on your other topic, meh maybe later) but at such a length it's much more difficult to have a strong message I figure. I still liked it, and upon re-reading it I think I'm def. missing out some stuff actually <:

And now I have the piece which your title is half-based on stuck in my head.

baudelaire is excellent, ive

wayfaerer

"Embrace your dreams."

Location: The Lifestream

Joined: Apr 03 2011

baudelaire is excellent, ive read osme of his works once upon a time (damned if i remember them clearly) his technique is exquisite, but his delivery was just breathtaking.

my claim for my best is "a moth with butterfly wings", as posted in that other topic.

this poem isnt actually about a planet, or any planet; its more or less refering to someone who is selfish and assumes the qorld revolves around her; more less a sympathy reading for those who cannot see past their own noses.

but many people will interepret it differently; it isnt about ONE THING, its more about PERSPECTIVE, as is life, which is just another theme or motive that can be drawn from this. hence why i feel it to be a strong poem.

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"i seem to be find a lot that apparently dont contain the .exe actually" -Anonymous

"Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to look more like?" -Pherioxus